im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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