I cockslap morals
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
