i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
