i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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