If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
