seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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