Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
