so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
