whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
