how can u be prego again
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
