just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
