sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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