Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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