i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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