I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize