dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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