What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
there is glitter all over my balls
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
