I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
