Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
