It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
