it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
