Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
