Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
