spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
