There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
