If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
