Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
