It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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