I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
