So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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