Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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