So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
