at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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