i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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