just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
