I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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