If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
