took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
