Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
