If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
