My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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