Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
whose ass print is on the piano?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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