these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
