I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize