Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
