he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
