Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
