WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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