I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
