i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
