Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
