I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
