I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize