Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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