This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
