I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
