Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
