I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
