No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
