I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
