pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
