Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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