put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
