I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
