And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
