im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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