i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
