Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize