Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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