how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
