Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
third nipple confirmed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
