Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think i have two assholes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize