I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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