She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
