dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
