he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Still dying that you shit outside
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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