am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
