Can i not drive my cunt home
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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