can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
