is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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