Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
