I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
