Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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